he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
