if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
