I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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