Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
