if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
