I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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