im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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