Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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