I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
