I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
