And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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