You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
