It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
