you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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