Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
