I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize