i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
is it fun? or sober?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
