thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize