I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
