i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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