Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize