You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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