it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
True strength comes from lack of pants
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
