i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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