while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
We have started to decorate penises.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
