Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
