She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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