AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
