Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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