i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
