My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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