Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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