I checked into jail on foursquare
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Randomize
