I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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