So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
