Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Randomize
