apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
