the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize