I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize