Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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