I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
