i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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