My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
