i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Panties = found
Randomize
