Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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