i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
