And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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