We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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