just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
