he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
