If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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