Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
