Cold hands, warm shart.
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
