I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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