Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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