the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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