Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
