I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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