I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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