definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
