You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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