singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
