I'd wear matching sweaters with you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
