A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
