There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
