Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
dude. I can hear the air.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
