Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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