im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
