OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Randomize
